A Losing Battle
by DaisySunrise
Summary: What if the tables were turned on Edward and Bella's physical relationship? Edward wants to go farther, but Bella isn't ready. Will Edward's denial of one urge cause him to give in to another? Set during the Eclipse timeframe.
1. Fight or Flight

I felt a growl escape from somewhere deep down inside of me as Bella pulled away from my kiss. It was becoming exceedingly common these days; I would push her limits, and she would quickly re-establish the physical boundaries between us. This had never been a problem until recent months, with the last few weeks becoming almost unbearable for me. Before, I had been too concerned for Bella's safety to advance any sort of intimate relationship between us, but things were different now. After she'd rushed to me in Italy and thwarted what would certainly have been a deadly encounter with the Volturi, I knew I could never hurt her. I had no doubts that I could control my response to the draw of her blood; powerful and beautiful as the scent could be. My love for Bella was more powerful than the melody her blood sang to my thirst. And I wanted, more than anything, to express that love in a tangible, physical way.

"I'm so sorry, Edward …" her voice trailed off as she wrapped both of her arms around one of mine and laid her head against my shoulder. I could feel the heat of her skin; it was so inviting. Her body called to me more now than her blood ever had, even that first day when her scent had been such an assault on my senses and my self-control. Bella's first day of school seemed like a distant memory to me. So much had changed between us. I'd tried so hard to make her stay away from me, and now I desperately needed her closeness.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked, as I stroked her cheek softly. I felt the way she reacted to my touch. It was obvious that her flesh desired mine as well. "Don't you trust me, love? You have to know I would never hurt you." I could say that with certainty, now. I thought I had lost her once, and I had no wish to live in a world without Bella. Even though I had no way to gauge my own reaction to sexual contact, as I'd had no previous experience in the area, I'd spent enough time overhearing the thoughts of those around me to make what I felt was a fairly accurate prediction. I had seen the memories of my brothers, unfortunately even sometimes those of my father. I had caught glimpses inside the minds of my Denali female cousins, who had taken human lovers in the past. I'd seen both their successes and failures; the few times they'd gone too far and broken the pelvic bones of adult men. But for the most part, there were no devastating consequences … even when they weren't being especially gentle. Surely I could be more tender with my Bella, the girl I loved, than my cousins had been with partners who had been chosen at random simply to fulfill their physical urges.

"I know that … I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that it will change things between us. That afterwards you won't think the same of me… that you won't respect me. I know it sounds silly, Edward, but please try to understand. Renee taught me that sex is for married people, and she led by example. She never had overnights with any of her boyfriends. Not even Phil, not before their wedding. I love you so much, Edward … but I'm not ready. Not yet."

I pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly. When could I ever refuse her anything? "I will love you forever, Bella Swan, and nothing can change that. But we'll take all the time you need." She mumbled thank you into my chest, and then lifted her head up until her lips found my neck. She kissed her way up, pausing at my jaw for a few seconds, and then continuing until she found my lips. I closed my eyes and took a few cleansing, albeit unnecessary, breaths as I felt my body stiffen, in more ways than one. I responded to her kiss slowly, carefully increasing the contact between our lips. I didn't want to drive myself to insanity, but Bella was making it clear that even though she wasn't going to make love to me, she refused to be satisfied with only a few pecks on the lips.

I applied more pressure to her mouth until she parted her lips and allowed my tongue to meet hers. Her taste swirled all around me. Everything else disappeared; there was only the sweet flavor of Bella. It saturated everything. It was no longer a question, and there was no decision to be made. I had to have more. My tongue was no longer massaging hers gently; I was now exploring every inch of her delectable mouth with greed and passion. Bella moaned into our kiss, and it broke the already weakened string that my self-control had been hanging from.

My hands began roaming over her body and her response to my touch was electrifying. Bella was allowing me an access I'd never had before, as my hands found new curves that I wanted to explore without the confines of her clothes. I slid my fingers under the hem of her shirt, enjoying the warmth and softness of her stomach. Slowly, my hands began to travel higher and higher ... when she stopped me.

"Edward … we just talked about this …"

I thought it would have been impossible to be any more overwhelmed than I was at that moment, with frustration and longing. But I felt another stirring; one that I was sure had been securely contained – the fire in my throat. It threatened to overtake me. It was almost as if my thirst spoke to me, as if it were an entity capable of language and communication. I could feel my sense of reason beginning to erode as it whispered evil words into my mind.

_If you can't have her body, take her blood …_

_Take her blood …_

_TAKE HER BLOOD …_

"No!" I threw myself off of her bed. "I can't do this anymore, Bella!" I jumped out of her window. I could hear her pained voice calling after me, and I knew she was hurting. I couldn't stand the thought of Bella in emotional distress, but it was a small price to pay. Even if she was in pain, at least she was alive. I ran, as fast as I could, as far away from her as I could get. I needed to put some distance between myself and the two yearnings that were threatening to engulf me. Tomorrow morning we would work this out, Bella and I. I just had to ensure that Bella would live that long.


	2. Strategy

"EDWARD CULLEN!"

Usually, my little sister had a sweet, musical voice. Then again, she usually wasn't infuriated with me. Alice might have been small in stature, but she was as strong … _as deadly_ … as the rest of us. She was also more stubborn and determined than anyone her size had a right to be. I knew that this time, however, her anger came out of love for Bella. Alice valued Bella's safety as much as I did, and despite how badly I wanted to avoid this confrontation, it was reassuring to know that there was someone else keeping a watchful eye on the most precious thing in my life.

"Why didn't you answer your cell phone? "

"I'm sorry, Alice. I needed to hunt."

She laughed, but not because she was amused. "That's the understatement of the year." _I saw what could have happened, Edward. You have to be more careful. Bella is in enough danger. Victoria's out there._

Alice's thoughts stung me, but only because they were truthful. I sat down on my mother's couch, my head in my hands. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have allowed myself to be so caught up in the moment? I wanted to be better than this, to be a better man … one that respected Bella's wishes rather than focusing only on my own desires. I knew that my kind had a tendency to be ruled by emotion. What was wrong with me?

I felt Alice's arm slip around my shoulders. _Well, I didn't mean to get you all down on yourself. I just wanted you to understand. I love Bella too, Edward. I don't want to see anything happen to her, and I know how it would affect you if you hurt her or failed to protect her. I couldn't bear to see you in that kind of pain. Just please … be more careful._

Of course. I needed to focus on keeping Bella safe from Victoria. The issue of our physical relationship would wait. I vowed not to make it a priority. I would do the right thing. Suddenly, I realized that not only had I put my love in direct danger from myself, I had left her unsupervised while Victoria still posed a threat.

"Alice, I've got to go back to her. I left her alone. Can you see if I would pose any further hazard to her by returning?"

"Don't worry. Jasper is watching over her. I sent him before I saw your decision to leave. I thought maybe he might need to … intervene. I'm surprised you didn't cross paths with him on your way out."

I was too wrapped up in my own anguish to even notice that my brother was nearby? Would I have noticed Victoria? I had to admit to myself that the answer was most likely not. After I had attempted to keep Victoria's arrival a secret by rushing Bella to Jacksonville for a visit with her mother, I'd promised that I wouldn't lie to her again about perilous situations. I couldn't keep this from her. This is exactly why I knew that Bella should never have been a part of my world. If only I'd had the strength to keep my distance. Now, this fragile little girl _was_ my world. I wouldn't let any harm come to her. That was the very least I owed her.

***

I expected to get the cold shoulder when I arrived to pick Bella up from school, but her response was quite the opposite. She threw herself in my arms. I was relieved, but after the previous night's events I was hoping to see her use a little more caution. Would she ever gain an instinct for self-preservation?

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I was being so selfish. I love you and I didn't mean to hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?"

I looked down into her beautiful brown eyes. All I saw was love and trust. Did she have any idea how close I had come to taking advantage of both just a few hours earlier? I could have killed her, or at the very least caused her to die at the hands of another, and she was concerned for me. I pulled her close, whispering "I love you" over and over. I didn't deserve her. Carlisle seemed to believe there was a God who cared even for vampires, and looking at the treasure in my arms, I could almost agree with him.


End file.
